Do you try to live your life in the present? Or do you worry about the future and let the past take over the present? I wrote in my first book, Everything Special, Living Joy, about how we choose to look at life: the glass “half-empty” or “half-full.”
As I sit in a chair, hooked up to IV tubes with chemo moving through my body, the previous questions stare me in the face. I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer, third stage. As they say, “life turns on a dime.” So now this independent woman has to learn how to walk the talk.
I always strived to live in the present. Mulling over the past seemed wasteful, as it’s so easy to get caught up in reevaluating one’s life. Yet, reexamining is important. As a child I believed everything had a purpose. Such belief helped me survive my childhood years in an orphanage after my mother died of cancer when I was five years old, and my father couldn’t care for me and my younger brother.
Now I face losing control of my body as I go through this process of treatment and healing. Relying on others is not easy for me. Nor is trying to enjoy life while ailing, or having to surrender control and trust the words and hands of doctors and nurses. Just as important, I wonder how to continue to write when chemo wears me out. However, I will keep trying.
I’m sharing with you a poem from my book, Everything Special, Living Joy, which feels appropriate to my sustenance, and hopefully to yours:
PASSION
This body I live in
breathes the joy of
its passionate nature.
When I listen, it wails and vibrates
The tunes of its Pied Piper.
The tunes are ones of pains and dance and laughter.
My body tenses and relaxes,
gyrates and giggles.
Its violin sways;
the drums pound.
Its harp flows;
the horn moans.
My body is the sounds of nature:
The trees swaying,
thunder pounding,
The river flowing,
The wind moaning.
My passionate nature
is the nature of earth.
2023 Roberta S. Kuriloff ©
Oh Roberta. Dick and I are thinking about you and are praying that this journey and the treatments heal you in body, mind, and spirit. So glad you have Bernice by your side to walk with you. We are holding you close. Love Linda and Dick. ❤️
Thank you so much Linda and Dick. So appreciate your supportive words.
Roberta, life changes, without warning, We want to reach out and and hold you, kiss it and make it better, cry with you and laugh at the ironies that pop up every now and then.
I am so aware that we are in control of little but are still here to see the eagle emerge from the tree top chased away by noisy little birds protecting their helpless babies. A bear breaking from the woods smelling like the compost pile and turning around from the dog barking. I know nature sustains you and writing motivates you to make each day a purpose to share.
We love you and hear in your voice the sound of resilience, and courage. Sending love Carol, Linda and Derian
Carol, Linda and Derian, So appreciate your words of support. Love, Roberta
My heart goes out to you, Roberta, as you go through this difficult time of treatment and healing.
Our lives are so entrenched in our past. The present is what we exist within, creating our past. Our futures can be intimidating, even in the best of circumstances.
Those who love you are relishing your present, as I would imagine you are, as well. Not dwelling on the past or future allows us to enjoy each individual day as unique and precious.
Be good to yourself, do what you choose, savor each day.
Adrienne, thank you for those needed and beautiful words. My best, Roberta
I, as you know, was on this same path that my beloved John walked.
We relished our special time together and walked the road until there was no more road.
His strength, his love of life gets me to move on.
He was strong, I try and feel his presence and keep walking.
It’s a struggle but friends keep pushing me along.
I too am pushing you along.
I love that you are sharing your journey with all of us.
Sweet Jim, So appreciate your beautiful words and support. Thanks for the “push.” Love, Roberta
So sorry to learn of your present illness. Even though you are a strong woman, please know your friends are here for you to lean on. Best of luck with your new and beautiful book.
Thank you Lorraine. Miss seeing you and John and your sweet dog, Finn. My best, Roberta
Thank you all for your support. Sorry I wasn’t able to respond to each of you separately. Didn’t get to see the responses to this blog until now!
Love and hugs, Roberta 4/17/24
Thank you all for your supportive messages. So appreciated. Roberta